Cara Cosentino Marino

Happy Feet: The Worst Movie To Watch When You’re Sick

Happy Feet: The Worst Movie To Watch When You’re Sick

When you’re sick, immobile, and everything hurts including your skin, your options for entertainment are somewhat limiting. It’s pretty much TV or ceiling-staring. I needed something to distract me from the elephant sitting on my head and the wheeze in my chest – yet nothing too cerebral – so that when I’m in and out of NyQuil consciousness I could pretty much piece together the story.

 

Enter Happy Feet.

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I thought it would be a fun, animated, musical jaunt filled with penguin dancing and singing.

I have never been more wrong in my life.

First off – Robin Williams plays about 5 characters, which is 4 1/2 too many for a cartoon. Actually, I have no idea how many characters he plays. He seemed to be everywhere at once. I couldn’t escape him, and all I could picture was a manic, sweaty, hairy Robin Williams having a meth meltdown in front of a microphone. It made for a very stressful movie experience. Then it made for a very sad movie experience being that he is no longer with us.

Brittany Murphy also voices one of the penguins which also adds to the umbrella of sadness over the entire movie. In my feverish state, I kept googling information about her death and the various meds she was on when she died, which were medications I happened to be on at the moment of watching Happy Feet.

“Lovelace”, one of Williams’ annoying characters is named after a porn star which was also a huge distraction. The next distraction was that he has one of those six pack plastic things stuck around his neck. I felt suffocated the entire time he was onscreen. We get it, Happy Feet. Humans are polluting the water. But you’re polluting my sanity. Not fair.

Lovelace – just looking at him makes my neck hurt

 

Despite being in and out of consciousness, I *think* I was able to figure out the narrative: Penguins have amazing singing voices and find mates through heartsongs, one inexplicably being “Boogie Wonderland”. One poor penguin bastard can’t sing at all, but he IS able to tap dance. Everyone hates him and won’t let him join in any penguin games, blah blah blah, leaves home, blah blah blah more Robin Williams, blah blah blah not enough fish, blah blah blah, Robin Williams, blah blah blah, a group of Hispanic penguins. And then somehow, through his dance, this tap dancing penguin is able to tell humans they are overfishing the penguin’s source of food and everyone’s happy.

Yeah, I didn’t get it either. This movie is like the worst acid trip multiplied by sadness with a twist of madness. At some point during this movie during my 1000 degree temperature, I panicked, and asked my husband if he’d leave me should I ever enter a persistent vegetative state. This is what this movie does to you.   Just watch this and tell me if you feel you don’t need medication.

The worst part? I’d watch it again. I guess this is what means to chase the dragon.

 

 



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